How to Write an Obituary

An obituary is a written notice of someone’s death that typically includes biographical information, surviving family members, and funeral service details. Writing an obituary allows you to honor the person’s life, inform the community of their passing, and provide practical information about memorial services.

While newspapers traditionally published obituaries, today they appear in multiple formats: printed newspapers, funeral home websites, social media, and online memorial platforms. The obituary serves both as a historical record and a way to celebrate a life well-lived.

Who Typically Writes the Obituary

Usually, the closest family member or the person handling funeral arrangements writes the obituary. This might be a spouse, adult child, sibling, or close friend. Some families write the obituary together, with different people contributing information about various aspects of the person’s life.

Funeral directors can also help write obituaries if family members feel overwhelmed. Many funeral homes offer this service as part of their packages, though you may want to review and personalize what they draft.

The most important thing is that whoever writes it knew the person well enough to capture their personality, achievements, and what mattered most to them.

Essential Information to Include

Every obituary should contain these basic elements:

• Full name and age: Include their full legal name and any nicknames they commonly used
• Date and place of death: When and where the person died
• Date and place of birth: Provides context for their life span
• Cause of death (optional): You can include this or simply state they died peacefully
• Surviving family members: Spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings, and other close relatives
• Predeceased family members: Parents, spouse, siblings, or children who died before them
• Funeral service details: Date, time, location, and whether it’s public or private
• Memorial contributions: Preferred charities or causes instead of flowers

How to Structure an Obituary

Most obituaries follow a similar structure that flows naturally from announcement to celebration to practical details.

Opening Statement

Start with the person’s name, age, and basic death information. You can begin with phrases like “passed away peacefully,” “died suddenly,” “lost his battle with cancer,” or simply “died on [date].” Choose language that feels appropriate for your family.

Example: “John Michael Smith, 68, of Springfield, Illinois, passed away peacefully on March 15, 2024, surrounded by his loving family.”

Life Story Section

This is where you share who the person was beyond just dates and facts. Include:

• Where they were born and grew up
• Education and career highlights
• Military service, if applicable
• Hobbies, passions, and interests
• Community involvement or volunteer work
• Personal qualities that defined them
• How they met their spouse or significant relationships

Focus on what made them unique. Did they have an infectious laugh? Were they known for their homemade cookies? Did they mentor young people in their field? These personal touches help readers connect with who the person really was.

Family Information

List surviving family members in a logical order, typically: spouse, children (with their spouses), grandchildren, great-grandchildren, parents, siblings, and other significant relatives. You can include their cities of residence.

Also mention immediate family members who predeceased them, usually parents, spouse, siblings, or children.

Service Information

Provide clear details about memorial services:

• Type of service (funeral, memorial service, celebration of life)
• Date and time
• Location with full address
• Whether the service is public or private
• Burial or interment details if separate from the service
• Reception information

Memorial Contributions

Many families request donations to charity instead of flowers. Include the full name of the organization and how to make contributions. You might write: “In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to the American Cancer Society or to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.”

Writing Tips and Best Practices

Writing an obituary during grief can feel overwhelming. These practical tips will help you create something meaningful without added stress.

Start with Facts, Add Heart Later

Begin by gathering all the factual information: dates, places, names, and service details. Once you have the skeleton, you can add the personal stories and memories that bring the obituary to life.

Ask Family Members for Input

Different family members may remember different aspects of the person’s life. A sibling might recall childhood adventures, while adult children can share parenting memories, and grandchildren might remember special traditions.

Consider creating a shared document where family members can add memories, then weave the best ones into the final obituary.

Keep the Tone Consistent

Decide whether you want a formal, traditional tone or something more casual and personal. Either approach works, but consistency throughout the obituary creates a more polished result.

Use Active Voice and Specific Details

Instead of “He was loved by many,” try “His warm smile and terrible dad jokes made him the favorite uncle at every family gathering.” Specific details create a clearer picture of who the person was.

Proofread Carefully

Double-check all names, dates, and locations. Have another family member review the obituary before submitting it. Errors in obituaries can be costly to correct and painful for families to discover later.

Sample Obituary Template

Here’s a basic template you can adapt for your situation:

[Full Name], [age], of [city, state], [died/passed away] on [date] [location of death, if desired]. [He/She] was born on [date] in [location] to [parents’ names].

[Name] graduated from [school] in [year] and [career/education information]. [He/She] [career highlights, military service, major life events].

[Personal qualities, hobbies, interests, community involvement]. [He/She] was known for [specific traits or memories]. [Name] enjoyed [activities] and was passionate about [causes/interests].

[He/She] married [spouse name] on [date]. They were blessed with [number] children and [number] grandchildren.

[Name] is survived by [list family members]. [He/She] was preceded in death by [list family members].

[Service type] will be held [date] at [time] at [location]. [Burial/interment information]. [Reception details].

In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [charity name and contact information].

Where to Publish the Obituary

You have several options for sharing the obituary with your community:

Local Newspapers

Many families still choose to publish in the local newspaper, especially if the person lived in the same community for many years. Newspaper obituaries typically charge by word count or column inch, with costs ranging from $50 to several hundred dollars.

Online Obituary Websites

Sites like Legacy.com, Obituaries.com, and local newspaper websites offer online obituary publishing. These often allow unlimited word count and the ability to include multiple photos.

Funeral Home Websites

Most funeral homes publish obituaries on their websites as part of their services. This is often included in funeral packages and provides a central location for service information.

Social Media

Facebook, Instagram, and other social platforms allow you to share obituary information with the person’s social network. You can post the full obituary or create a shorter version with key details.

Online Memorial Platforms

Memorial websites allow families to create lasting tributes with obituaries, photo galleries, memory sharing, and guest books. These platforms often remain active indefinitely, creating a permanent memorial.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Even well-intentioned obituaries can have issues that cause problems later. Here are common pitfalls to watch for:

Including Too Much Personal Information

Avoid listing full addresses, exact birthdates, mother’s maiden names, or other information that could be used for identity theft. This is especially important for online obituaries that remain searchable.

Family Disputes in Print

Don’t use the obituary to exclude family members due to disagreements or to make statements about family conflicts. Focus on celebrating the person’s life rather than settling scores.

Inconsistent Information

Make sure dates, locations, and family relationships are accurate across all platforms where you publish the obituary. Conflicting information confuses readers and can cause family stress.

Forgetting About Timing

If you’re planning services mentioned in the obituary, ensure you’ve confirmed dates and locations with venues before publishing. Last-minute changes can create confusion for attendees.

Remember that obituaries often appear in search results for years to come, so take time to create something that truly honors the person’s memory and provides comfort to those who loved them.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should an obituary be?

There’s no strict length requirement for obituaries. Newspaper obituaries are often shorter due to cost (100-200 words), while online obituaries can be much longer (300-1000+ words). Focus on including the essential information and meaningful details rather than hitting a specific word count.

Do I have to include the cause of death?

No, you don’t have to include the cause of death in an obituary. Many families choose to simply state that the person “died peacefully” or “passed away.” If the death was due to a specific illness and the family wants to raise awareness or request donations to related research, they may choose to include it.

What if there are family disagreements about the obituary content?

Try to focus on facts and positive memories that everyone can agree on. Consider having one person draft the obituary and then allow family members to suggest additions rather than trying to write it as a group. Remember that the obituary’s main purpose is to honor the deceased and inform the community, not to please every family member perfectly.

Can I write an obituary before someone dies?

Yes, many people write their own obituaries in advance as part of end-of-life planning, or families may draft obituaries for terminally ill loved ones. This can reduce stress during the immediate aftermath of death and ensure important details aren’t forgotten. Just remember to update service information and final details when the time comes.

How much do newspaper obituaries cost?

Newspaper obituary costs vary widely by publication size and location. Small local papers may charge $50-150 for a basic obituary, while major metropolitan newspapers can charge $300-1000 or more. Many newspapers charge by word count or column inch, with additional fees for photos. Online-only obituaries are often significantly less expensive or free.

Writing an obituary is one of the many tasks that families face when someone dies. While it can feel overwhelming during grief, creating a thoughtful obituary provides an opportunity to celebrate your loved one’s life and share their story with the community. Take your time, gather input from family members, and focus on capturing what made the person special. The obituary will become part of their lasting legacy and a source of comfort for those who knew them.

This information is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal, medical, or financial advice. Always consult qualified professionals for guidance specific to your situation.