How to Write Your Own Obituary

Writing your own obituary means crafting a personal statement about your life, accomplishments, and relationships before your death. While it may feel uncomfortable to think about, pre-writing your obituary gives you control over how your story is told and removes a difficult burden from your loved ones during their time of grief.

Many people choose to write their own obituaries as part of broader end-of-life planning. This allows you to highlight the achievements, relationships, and memories that matter most to you, rather than leaving family members to guess what you would want included.

Why Write Your Own Obituary

Pre-writing your obituary serves several important purposes. First, it ensures accuracy. You know the correct spellings of names, dates, and places that shaped your life. Family members might struggle with these details, especially if they involve distant relatives or events from decades ago.

Second, it gives you editorial control. You can decide which aspects of your life to emphasize and which to mention briefly or omit entirely. Maybe your military service defined you more than your career, or perhaps your volunteer work mattered more than your professional achievements.

Third, it reduces stress for your family. When someone dies, loved ones face dozens of decisions in a short timeframe. Having your obituary already written means one less task during an overwhelming period.

Finally, it can be therapeutic. Reflecting on your life, relationships, and legacy can bring clarity about what truly matters to you.

Essential Information to Include

Every obituary should contain certain basic facts. Start with your full name, including any nicknames or maiden names by which people knew you. Include your age at the time of death, or leave a blank space for family members to fill in later.

List your immediate family members, including spouse, children, grandchildren, parents, and siblings. Note whether parents or siblings preceded you in death. Include step-relationships and adopted relationships that were meaningful to you.

Cover your major life milestones: where and when you were born, where you grew up, your education, military service if applicable, and career highlights. Include marriages, divorces if relevant, and when you became a parent or grandparent.

Mention your community involvement, religious affiliation if important to you, hobbies, and passions. These details help paint a complete picture of who you were beyond just family relationships and work.

How to Structure Your Obituary

Most obituaries follow a standard structure that readers expect. Begin with an announcement of death that includes your name, age, and date of death. You can write this as “will be survived by” rather than “is survived by” if pre-writing feels more comfortable.

Follow with a brief biographical paragraph covering birth, family background, and education. Then move into career highlights and major accomplishments. This section should focus on achievements that defined you or that you take pride in.

Next, describe your personal life: marriage, children, and family relationships. Include grandchildren and their names if you want them mentioned. This section often forms the heart of the obituary.

Add a paragraph about your interests, hobbies, and community involvement. Maybe you coached Little League for twenty years, volunteered at the animal shelter, or were known for your amazing garden. These details make the obituary personal and memorable.

End with funeral or memorial service information, or note that services will be announced later. Include any requests for charitable donations in lieu of flowers.

Writing Tips and Best Practices

Write in third person, as if someone else is describing your life. This takes practice if you are not used to writing about yourself objectively. Instead of “I was born in Chicago,” write “She was born in Chicago” or “John was born in Chicago.”

Keep the tone respectful but authentic to your personality. If you were known for your sense of humor, it is appropriate to include a lighthearted comment or memory. If you were more serious and formal, maintain that voice.

Use specific details that capture who you were. Rather than saying you “loved cooking,” mention that you “made legendary Thanksgiving dinners for 30 family members every year” or “taught your grandchildren to make pasta from scratch.”

Be honest but focus on the positive. You do not need to mention every hardship, but do not create a false picture either. If you overcame significant challenges, mentioning them briefly can inspire others and add depth to your story.

Keep it concise. Most newspaper obituaries run 200-400 words due to cost constraints, though online memorials can be longer. Aim for enough detail to capture your essence without overwhelming readers.

What to Leave for Family Members

Even when writing your own obituary, leave some flexibility for your family. They may want to add recent developments you could not have anticipated, or they might have memories and perspectives that enhance your story.

Leave blank spaces for the actual date and place of death, since you obviously cannot know these details in advance. You might also leave the service information section incomplete if you have not made final arrangements.

Consider writing two versions: a shorter one for newspapers that charge by the word, and a longer version for online memorial sites where space is not limited. This gives your family options based on their budget and preferences.

Include a note with your obituary explaining where you have stored it and asking family members to review and update it as needed. Life changes, and details that were current when you wrote it may need revision.

Sample Obituary Template

Here is a basic template you can adapt:

“[Your name], age [blank], of [city], passed away on [blank] at [blank]. Born on [date] in [location], [he/she] was the [son/daughter] of [parents’ names].”

“[Your name] graduated from [school] in [year] and went on to [career summary]. [He/She] worked as [job title] at [company] for [years], where [brief accomplishment or description].”

“[He/She] married [spouse name] on [date] and together they raised [number] children. [Your name] was a devoted [parent/grandparent] who [specific detail about family relationships].”

“[Your name] enjoyed [hobbies/interests] and was active in [community organizations]. [He/She] will be remembered for [defining characteristic or memory].”

“[Your name] is survived by [list family members]. [He/She] was preceded in death by [list if applicable].”

“Services will be held [details or ‘announced later’]. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to [charity].”

Where to Store Your Obituary

Once written, store your obituary where family members can easily find it. Include it with your other end-of-life documents like your will, advance directives, and funeral planning information.

Give copies to your spouse, adult children, or whoever will be handling your final arrangements. Make sure they know where to find the master copy and any updated versions.

Consider storing it digitally as well as in hard copy. Email it to yourself and key family members, or save it in a cloud storage account that others can access. This ensures it will not be lost if physical documents are damaged or misplaced.

Review and update your obituary periodically. Major life changes like new grandchildren, career changes, or moves to new communities should be reflected in updated versions.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should a self-written obituary be?

Most obituaries run 200-400 words, but length depends on where it will be published. Newspaper obituaries are often shorter due to cost constraints, while online memorials can accommodate more detail. Focus on including the most important information about your life and relationships rather than hitting a specific word count.

Should I include cause of death in my obituary?

Including cause of death is entirely optional and personal. Many families choose to omit this information and simply state that the person “passed away” or “died peacefully.” If you have strong feelings either way, make your preference clear to your family members.

Can I write my obituary in first person?

While most obituaries are written in third person, some people do choose first person for a more personal feel. This approach works especially well for longer online memorials or when you want to share specific messages with family and friends. However, traditional newspaper format typically uses third person.

What if I do not want a traditional obituary?

You have complete control over how your life is commemorated. Some people write letters to be shared instead of traditional obituaries, create video messages, or ask family to share memories rather than biographical details. Make your preferences clear in your end-of-life planning documents.

How often should I update my self-written obituary?

Review your obituary annually or whenever major life events occur, such as marriages, births of grandchildren, career changes, or moves. Keep it current so family members do not have to make significant changes during an already difficult time.

This information is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal, medical, or financial advice. Always consult qualified professionals for guidance specific to your situation.